Funny Quote of The Day

Zsa Zsa Gabor - "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."

I said No F’in Pork in my pots

Say What? Yeah that is what I said when my ex screamed at me my father is a Muslim and you better not cook pork in my pots. So we are about 1095 days married and then some, yeah I can’t remember so what. By this time we have moved on up like George and Weezy and are living in the heart of the city, time square. We could look out our living room window and see the city’s lights and billboards. To me this sounds nice if you are on vacation but not on a permanent stay. Once again the Pharlo factor is back in the states and in my place. My ex and Pharlo walk in the door and he immediately starts screaming at me about the pork. Pharlo looks on in utter disbelief because in his eyes I did nothing wrong. In my eyes I did nothing wrong either I knew for a fact that my Ex was a control freak. Ladies and gentlemen again if this is your situation I suggest you run for the hills. We did not have a child at the time and it would have bee easy for me to run but I really wanted our relationship to work. One things I can advise is be true to yourself and don’t push things everything should be natural. If it is not natural then the end results are usually not favorable in your interest. This advice could save you heartache and pain to mention a few, take it and run with it! My ex was screaming about the pork and I had to put him in his place. I told him honey I did not know that this is what I signed up for, him dictating what I ate and did not eat. I asked myself “Has this man lost his natural ever living mind”? and then I told him for 26 years I have been raised on protein including pork that I liked it and I had no clue that I had to abide by a belief that did not pertain to me and because a man I never met who thinks I am the receptionist when he calls my house does not eat pork. I said “HELL TO THE FUCKING NO” “What you think this is? Then I went on the cuss him in Jamaican, Spanish and English. If my French was up to par I would have told him La Med, LOL. The nerve of this fool and his tom foolery. Every time this rude so called father-n-law called the house he never acknowledged me by name and only asked for money. I mean we only have been married for like ever and we now have a child and he still did not get the memo that my name was Eve. This man was so rude he would say hey are you not giving him the message. He needs to send the money because the kids need to go to school and their registration fees need to be paid, WTF. As far as my ex and I knew he had no children back home and he just made his first and only child so what did his father mean the kids school fees needed to be paid. Hello. He made those kids and continues to make them because of his Muslim beliefs and now he wants my husband to pay for them. This was a very sore subject in my house. At the end of the day I know many husbands and wives get upset about their other half’s contributing finances to their so called family members but here is the score on this there is nothing you can do about it. Make sure you keep your own checking account where you put money aside for yourself and it is a private account. You can call this your in case shit account, LOL. This is a good idea especially if you have a controlling mate like I did more than likely the controlling mate will want you to have joint accounts and no secrets. At this time I would like to pay tribute and take a moment of silence out for Shaunie O’Neil according to the media she stacked her own cheddar. 50 cool points to your Shaunie, go head with your bad self. If I did not know then I knew now that I was attached to and idiot and pure a hole. Trust and believe if you see yourself in my story it gets worst so don’t stay for it love you more and leave! On a day to day basis I dealt with BS from my Ex no pork amongst other things. He was crazy and deranged, lol, he is not really mentally ill but a lot of the times he acted that way.

Married 30 Days and Counting.

Okay so I have just done 30 days and it feels like an eternity. At the time the 30 days felt like the one month completion of alcohol anonymous but I did not get the completion certificate at the end. I can’t believe it me the original get down with your bad self has another half that I am claiming out in the open and he is calming me. I mean in a matter of months we went from keeping this on the down low to full out married. Instead of the certificate upon completion of 30 days I got something called the Pharlo factor. Pharlo is a breathing living memorial to hip hop and rap. Now I never explained my Ex’s appearance he is nice looking clean cut and dresses like an adult usually during the hours of 12 to 7 pm and in the evening and on weekend he is ride or die hip hop. Basically he is the exact opposite of the Pharlo factor. Pharlo is straight out of England and not your typical Londoner. He wears corn rows jerseys and pants that are three times bigger than his size. He has a big personality no let me say gigantic personality. He is loud and never discreet and always looking out for numero uno. Well 30 days in I got him and he became my honeymoon present. He was the present that did not keep on giving. Matter a fact he gave nothing but always took and over stayed his welcome because it was free. Now when a normal person comes to visit you they stay 5 days tops 1 week not 45 days and counting. We had a 1 bedroom apartment in the city off of 7th avenue. I know it sounds spectacular but in fact it was not. The space was tight and less than 650 square feet and now we had three adults living there. I was losing my mind! In the beginning of our relationship just like anybody I would wait for my ex to go out so I could take a shit and now having this squatter on the premises was really messing up my me time. I mean newlyweds don’t usually walk around the house fully clothed. Around day 20 I began asking my ex what the hell is going on here. We are newlyweds hence the words newly wed and you have me living in a fraternity, WTF? So I asked him when is this cat leaving? His response was he did not know. This answer puzzled me, how could he not know. It was his house the Pharlo factor was a guest and he did not have his departure date marked off on the calendar. This pissed me off, total “BITCHASSNESS” in the making. I went off and all of my ranting and raving went on deaf ears. My ex loved the fact that he had this live in friend with industry party connections with networking possibility and to scope some new ass. Please like I don’t know. It is unfortunate when we lie to ourselves and say that our other half is 100% true to us and it is unfair to be upset with your other half if they look and flirt a lil bit. The reason I say this craziness is because it is a bit unfair to expect someone to not look at something they want. It is all natural. I think forming relationships with individuals that you are not committed to is dangerous. Forming relationships means that no relationship is safe and there is always that possibility that the person you have committed yourself to is not really committing themselves to you.
I grew up in a house on a small tree lined block and moving to the city was a big shock for me. I hated the numerous amounts of cabs and busses, smog out the wazoo. Central Park was near but the thought of having to walk from house to the park and actually run in the park the thought was near excruciating and hey lets face it I love me so I passed. I can honestly say that I ran in central park one time and oh boy I am not a runner. I envy runners; there breathing always seems to be on point. They seem to breathing cleaner air than me and I am jealous. Back to the Pharlo factor he would always ask to eat last and say that he was a human garbage disposal because he could eat any and everything. Usually when my family comes from out of town to stay with me they always bring gifts and invite me out to eat to thank me for my hospitality, not Pharlo. It got so bad with the food I had to say to him if you are going to be staying here this long you need to contribute to the house. Can you believe I had to tell this grown man that was probably sitting on millions that this was not the move. Fo F’s sake, I was contributing to the home on my student loans and unemployment checks. Let me add that Pharlo did not work other than volunteering on a radio show which was very beneficial to his music industry career aspirations and he lives off a big settlement from a car accident. His settlement is paid in Pounds / Euros so imagine he comes to New York three times a year and stays about 2 months and buys very expensive trinkets while he is here. This equates some nice cheese. What a free loader ate everything in site was always there would stiff the Chinese delivery guy on the tip and buy the large size Snapple strawberry kiwi for himself. He never even bought us a house warming gift. Two days ago Pharlo sent me an instant message and asked me if I was happy. I thought this was an odd question so flipped him the bird in cyber space and closed the box. One day I got so fucking mad I drank his damn snapple kiwi strawberry juice and told him it was my fridge, pounded on my chest and walked away and what! If you find this to be your current situation threaten to pack your stuff and leave. If there are no results that are in your favor then leave. You are newly/wed, no worries you can always come back I really and truly doubt the chain will be on the door, lol.

Big Night Boys and Girls Old Dog and The Chick are speaking.

The Chick will be addressing the nation for the first time and introducing herself. Had she had the experience that Old Dog says that Obama lacks would we know about her. That’s right she lives in West Bubba Fuck and nobody cares. I think this is reason enough to say who the hell is she “Oh Hell to the No”. Had it not been for the recent scandal I would have never known her name, Sarah Palin. Mrs. Palin has a fast tail seventeen year old that is five months pregnant. I know she is so mad that she has been out taking that girl girdle shopping and making her fast, LOL. I mean they have been hiding all this time. At the end of the day I am not here to judge her things happen and sometimes unfortunate and they can happen to anyone. I do not think this makes Mrs. Palin a bad mother. she may have made some bad decisions in turn her daughter made bad decisions and now in order to make her mother’s political career flourish and her motherhood not be questioned now the sorry girl has to marry the sorry boy. This is what you call a recipe for disaster. These sorry underage drinkers are now going to pay a heavy price for the United States. If this does not get The Chick and Old Dog some pity votes I don’t know what will. Shit I am about to tear up just thinking of the life of hell this poor girl will have to live until Old Dog and The Chick loose. It’s like 90 days right? Ease up Lil Chick in 90 days it will be all over. Your crazy momma and the old dude are going to back to where ever the hell they came from. It’s like the movie Friday “You ain’t got to go home but you got to get the hell out of here”. I am still laughing at that Idiot The Bush, talking and reading a teleprompter I mean give me a break honestly who voted for this fool and who voted again for this fool? What because President Clinton could not go back into the running you all just gave up and said hey F it lets just pick this fool again. I mean seriously he can not even speak and his facial expressions remind me of being in the bathroom and having difficulty if you know what I mean and then you finally come to that crossroad and you get to the final push and you are relieved. That is his face when he gets stuck in his comments and it finally comes out the wrinkles in his forehead release and I swear it just like taking a number 2. The Bush has *ish face! It is terrible when a country has no respect for you. Its like when you are in the first grade and you get into it with the cool kid that wears all the designer stuff and then that kid gets mad at you and tell everyone else not to talk to you. Yeah I would say that The Bush’s social calendar is looking slim to none. Even Condi is going to read him his right and let him know. You used me as the African American woman token for long enough no I will not come over for none of Laura’s dry pie and you can tell her I said that and what. I bet Condi is going to rise up on The Bush when their ride is over and give him two slaps. One slap for women and the other just because. I am going to go and get ready to listen to Old Dog and The Chick get ready to do the damn thang.

Jeremy Consell new Killer added to list of Killers in the world.

New to the mansion provided by the government 22 year old Single Male eligible for lifetime stay at palatial housing. Jeremy will be happy to know that his stay comes with around the clock valet service or tour guide. The full time tour guide is there to make sure Jeremy’s stay is as uncomfortable as possible and that you find all the related services you are entitled to and also to help others on the tour find you in exchange for goods or services. Oh yes dear Jeremy you have just signed up to the most exciting ride of your life. Everyday is filled with new spontaneous adventures for him to encounter. According to channel seven news “Jeremy stayed and watched a horror movie, called Saw (which is all about killing people)”. Then the killers father comes on the news and says “He couldn’t wait to tell me what he did he had no remorse. Talk about your own flesh and blood throwing you under the bus. At least in my family they would still accept the murderer but behind the scenes there are definitely haters in the family that would burn the murderer at the stake like the witches in Boston. I was brought up to always remember don’t have people all in your business and don’t tell them too much (I guess this goes against all the teachings, Blah Blah Blog!

Hey I am off to watch this idiot GWB The Bush read the teleprompter I will be back in two in two. I can not believe how many seats are not filled, okay who am I kidding I knew no one was going to be there because who gives a F about Old Dog, The Chick and his posse. Oh Sweet Jesus Mother of Mary please get rid of the Chick ,S.P. The only reason I know her name is Palin is because of all the coverage her fast tail as of a daughter just got ever
Eve

Labor Day is in Full Effect

Okay about 2 hours ago me and booboo, that’s my daughters nick name, went to the store and Oh MY we saw lions, tigers and bears Oh My. The bear we saw was a woman about 350lbs with a gold bikini make of gold foil paper. She had a crown on with colorful feathers sticking out. She was covered in colorful body glitter, oh and I must not forget this woman’s belly covered the bottom of the bikini in the crotch area. I am starting to think I have made another good choice this year, just not to be involved and why subject my eyes to this. I mean I am over here at home trying to work on my 12 pack and Good thing for her she had a metallic gold hula skirt that stuck out on the sides. It kind of reminds me when Rasputia went to the amusement park and security told asked if she was wearing any bottoms and she picked her belly up, YUCK, well this is what my daughter and I encountered on the following block. Side bar; Can you believe my ex husband called me Rasputia once. He said that I was large and in charge and that when I was coming everyone needed to get out of my way, the gall. Upon our walk on Church Avenue we saw many scantily clad woman covering certain parts of their bodies with there arms. You know it is kind of like when you are asked “raise your hand if you are sure” and you don’t, yeah like that. Oh yeah I also ran into someone from the neighborhood that for some reason is always derailing my destination. Don’t you hate when you are trying to get something done and get back home and here come so and so, DAMN. I am coming out the corner store and so and so is coming right around the corner and we literally bump into each other and I take a moment out in my head and say DAMNNNNNNN! SO of course I am going right and so and so is going left and of course so and so tries to divert my course again, like WTF! I am walking with my kid coming out of a bakery and we have a shopping cart does it look like want to go left, opposite of the market, come on “fuggetta bout it”. So of course as always the conversation is absolutely pointless and does not affect my life or financial situation. I want to forget about these societal norms and just tell So and So please do not bring your child around my child any more he exhibits lack of self control lack of discipline and mischievousness and I do not foresee you and I having this prefabricated friendship that you so desire. It’s just not going to F’in happen. “I’m just not going to be able to do”, ‘Love me or Leave Me Alone” In this case I choose Leave Me Alone. Not to mention yesterday morning I made an amazing western omelet and my child and I were getting down and dirty in eggs and SO and So called, while I was eating. So accidentally I missed that call don’t you know she did not use the feature on my phone it is called voice mail, instead So and So called back and I was forced to pick up. I have a friend if he is watching his show or doing something no matter what that something is he doesn’t play he will not answer the phone not on commercial intermission or bathroom breaks. His whole thing is if you know me for instance and Lost is on why would you call me? I used to think this was a bitchy attitude but he has actually got the right idea. Lets think about how many ways the cell phone company can charge you um let me see #1 if I pick up the phone so F it I just wont pick up. I am really tossing with this idea I mean Google is free and here I am paying for the cell phone company to jack me. On the other hand where will I be without texting, LOST like the show? Without texting how will I be able to receive my Ex’s compliments once a week, LOL. Be right back I am going to pick off the petals of flower to see if he still loves me, LOL, of course he does. If he didn’t he would try to flatter me as much as he does. Soon the Labor Day people will be on there way from Eastern Parkway maybe I will go out and gather some photos or fashion recaps to share with you all. Till later boys and girls.
Eve